Ah, Thanksgiving. That one holiday where the family is more or less "required" to get together without the benefit of gift-giving. This year is the 5th year in a row that Chris and I will be hosting Turkey Day Dinner. We started hosting when we bought our house in 2001. It is small, but it is cozy and it seems that everyone has a decent enough time. Good times.
I, personally, love Thanksgiving Day. I have nothing but fond memories surrounding this holiday. I know that everyone watches the Macy's Parade, but Philadelphia has it's own parade which, in my opinion, is much better. The parade is a symbol to Philadelphian's. It is a symbol of tradition and history. There are high school bands from all over the country, floats, celebrities (usually from soaps and Disney), singing, dancing........and then the big finale - Santa & Mrs. Claus arrive amidst hundreds of singing school choirs and walk up the front steps of the Art Museum (yeah, the ones where Rocky ran up back in the 70's). It is all very exciting and still makes me smile and even shed a happy tear. I may now miss bits & pieces of the middle because I'm getting dinner stuff prepared, but I ALWAYS watch the finale. Tradition - I love it.
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On the food plan front, I've been stuck losing and gaining the same 1.5 pounds for weeks. I managed to get down to 214 awhile back, but I went back up to 215.5 for Saturday weigh-ins (which is my regular weigh-in day) and 217 for Monday weigh-ins (which is my NSB Challenge weigh-in day). I know why I am higher on Mondays - not enough water. I just do not seem to get in enough water on the weekends. I guess it is because I am not strapped to a desk all day. When I am at work, I always have some kind of beverage on my desk - diet soda or iced tea in the AM and water all afternoon. I am moving around so much on the weekends, that I don't think to drink as much. I have to work on that.
I just can not seem to focus on anything anymore. I don't know what is wrong with me. I told Chris last night that I am so frustrated with my behavior and I know that I need to change it, but I just can't seem to break out of it. Like, I do really well on a new plan and lose about 20-25 lbs and then I die out. I will maintain the loss for awhile, but then it will slowly start creeping up again. Or, I will be on an organizing kick and will be really good at keeping the incoming junk mail pile down by going through it every day and then I hit a week where I get home from work late, it all piles up and then I don't feel like organizing anymore.
I can't even focus on having friends. I just don't feel like "playing the game" of being there for people that I've known for most of my life anymore. Relationships are supposed to involve a give and take from both parties. However, since the dinner a few weeks ago, I have been really reflecting on all of my "friendships". I put the word friendship in quotes because I do not feel that any of them are true friends. They are really just "people that I know and get together with occasionally". I talked to Chris about that last night, too. He says that I focus too much on people's negatives and that drives them away. I told him that he's probably right. And, after more careful thought, I probably do that because that is what my mother does - focuses on the negatives. My mother was never a big supporter of what I wanted to do in life. And, since I am not a confrontational person by nature, I just did what she wanted to "keep the peace". Oh, don't get me wrong, there were a few times where I fought back and believe you me, it was not pleasant. If I did things in my life that she did not agree with, she made my life hell. For example, when I moved out of my parents' house at age 21. She said to me that single women who do not live at home are looked at as "loose women". On the day I moved out, my Dad was going to help me & my roommate move our stuff from our respective houses to our new apartment. My mother wakes up that very day and decides that she will be cleaning all of the windows in the house and that she needed my Dad to help her. For once, my Dad told her no. She did not help me set up my new place either. I thought mom's were supposed to help their kids grow in their lives. She still got her comments in even years later. She would tell me that my dad cried for hours on the day that I moved out. Now, I'm sure that he shed some tears. What father wouldn't cry when their only daughter grows up? But, my god mother, get over it. I moved out. You didn't like it. I got it. Move on. I could go on and on, but I'll save that for another post. Reflecting on my relationship with my mother wears me out.
So, as for the friends thing, Chris suggests that I stop waiting for people to reach to me and that I should reach out more to others. I say that they don't reach out to me, so why do I have to make the first move. He says why not. I guess he's right. But don't tell him that I said that ; )
Anyway, I guess I sort of told a little flashback story in this post - cool, I'm finally participating in Jan's fun stuff! And, if a don't post before the big day --
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
