Introducing Lucy!! She's 7 weeks old and the cutest damn thing I've seen in a very long time. Of course my other two monsters - Charlie & Berzerk - are not thrilled, but they'll come around.

I added some new blog sites in my sidebar.

Some are long overdue to add since they have already added my blog address to their own sites.

Happy Reading!

I absolutely HATE when I feel jealous of other people. It is a big weakness for me. I know that I should be happy for others when things are going their way, but sometimes I just can't hide my disappointment in myself for not accomplishing the same goals.

A friend of mine, Kris, called me last night. I call her a friend although we rarely talk on the phone. We exchange emails occasionally and get together with two other girls once every 3 months for dinner. Ironically, the 4 of us met at an aerobics class at the local Y back in the mid-90's. We would go out for a "treat" at the end of every 12-week session. Kris was the instructor of the class. The rest of us were participants. As each session passed, we would get to know each other a little bit better. Well, Kris started having babies so she stopped teaching the class and the rest of us just stopped going. We've all moved in separate directions, but we still manage to get together every 3-4 months for a dinner out. Anyway, enough background.

Kris called me last night to ask me a question and we got to chatting about other things. Now, mind you, we've all gained a bit of weight since the Y days, but Kris gained the most esp since she had 4 babies in the past 8 years. Back between her 1st & 2nd kids, she went on Atkins and lost a bunch of weight. Now, of course she was proud of it and showed it, but hey I would be too. But I was jealous. Then, she got pregnant again and gained all the weight plus more and, I hate to say it, I was relieved. More so because I wouldn't have to hear about Atkins anymore. So, every time we were so supposed to get together, I dreaded it because I wasn't sure if she was doing some kind of diet and lost a bunch of weight and here I am gaining & gaining. But she wasn't losing any weight and apparently wasn't even trying. She just didn't feel like trying. The last time we got together (June) she announced that she was yet again dieting, was going to Weight Watchers, had been on the plan for 7 weeks and had lost 29 lbs so far. I wanted to cry. At that point, I had been NS for about 6 weeks and had only lost 15 lbs. I didn't say anything about what I was doing because I don't want to talk about it - I just want to wait until people start noticing. So the remainder of the meal, all she talked about was WW and points and how easy it is, blah, blah, blah. AND, she wasn't even exercising that much!!

Anyway, as we were chatting last night, I avoided the subject of weight all together because I really did not want to hear about how much more she lost esp since I've been plateauing for about 3 weeks now. Doesn't she bring it up anyway?! Indirectly, of couse, but the subject arose anyway. Now, she's lost 46 lbs in 3 months!! I've lost 20.5 lbs in 3 months. Since the main point of the conversation was about a health scare she had recently that she thinks was brought on by the "sudden weight loss" she's had, I didn't really have to comment on the weight loss part of the story. I wished her luck on the health procedure and hoped that the call would end soon. Thankfully it did.

I was sooooooo ANGRY with myself when I got off of the phone with her. She did nothing wrong and yet I wanted to hate her. All she did was lose more than twice as much weight as me in the same time frame. Then I was mopey and sat my large ass on the sofa all night and watched TV and ate crap - a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and some pretzels - and then went to bed. I got up and weighed myself this morning and gained a pound. I'm such a stupid bitch!

I know what needs to be done. So why don't I JUST DO IT!?

Explanation
Some readers may be a bit confused as to why I have two different weights posted in my sidebar. Or, perhaps most readers don't even read it nor even care to read it. But, at any rate, I feel the need to explain.

My NS weigh-in day is Saturdays. When the NS Challenge started, I was asked to supply my weight on a Friday. I know that one day should not make that much of a difference, but it did. I like to weigh myself in the morning. For the challenge, I weighed myself at night. I ALWAYS weigh heavier at night. Today is challenge weigh day. I am off from work so I weighed myself this morning (which is the same weight as my NS weight last week - hence probably no change for NS week 12) . We'll see if tomorrow's weight for NS weigh-in day is any less than today. Probably not, but you never know. (Have quite a bit of water weight this week)

NSV
This seems to be the week for NSV's. I also had one on Wednesday. Hmm, what was it about Wednesday this week - was it a full moon?? I ran into a friend from work who I haven't seen in about a month. We work in different departments and have different hours. Anyway, I was on my way to the company cafeteria to get some fruit for breakfast and she was on her way out. We stopped to chat for a few minutes. I was mid-question to her when she blurts out (she blurts alot - she's very blunt) "you've lost weight - you look good". Now, she doesn't know that I'm dieting (I hate that word, but it works for this story), so this was my first REAL NSV comment! I don't know how to describe how I felt. Embarassed & shy at first - I didn't want to react in the wrong way (see previous post on Compliments). So, I shrugged and said "yeah, I've lost a few" and continued with my conversation. We chatted a bit more and then she said it AGAIN, but added on "how are you doing it?" So I told her that I was following NS, but she really didn't know what I was talking about. If it's not about sports or cats, she really has no clue what's going on around her. She just replied, "you look good" then "I wish I could lose some" and then proceeded to complain about how she can't lose weight. I truly feel bad for her because she used to be very athletic and was always very trim and in shape. She could eat whatever she wanted and drink beer every weekend and never had to worry about it. But she took a bad fall a few years ago and messed up her back pretty bad so she was really restricted in her movements and hence put on quite a bit of weight. She still can't play sports, but she still eats the same way and can't understand why she can't lose the weight. I feel for her, I really do - but she's a hard-headed, depressed, "woe-is-me" kind of person, so whatever I say won't be heard anyway. I can only lead by example on this one. She is also friends with my buddy, Russ, who is also doing NS (down 23 lbs so far! Yeah, Russ!) so perhaps between the 2 of us, she will be inspired. I can only hope so.

Overall, it wasn't too bad of a week. I was a bit down early in the week. I'm only 1/2 lb away from 20 lbs and it seems like it took FOREVER to get the first 20 off. I'm still in the 200's, but I'm only 1.5 lbs away from the weight I was 2 years ago before I started Weight Watchers (I started WW at 217). It is so easy to get discouraged and bored with watching every....single.....solitary.....bite....that....goes....into.....my......mouth. I want to be able to eat and not think about it. I'm finishing up on my 12th week and figure my average has been about 6 lbs per month. It seems slow. I keep saying in my head "slow and steady wins the race, slow and steady wins the race".

Ok, I'm done. Thanks for reading.

We got back from Rehoboth Beach, DE today and I would have to say that I was not successful in keeping on-plan for the past 3.5 days. I have, though, successfully determined that I am unable to make wise food decisions when vacationing with three people who should really be making the same food decisions as I, but have not yet chosen to do so.

My holiday weekend started out very well. NS granola bar with fat-free yogurt and orange juice on Friday morning. It was all downhill from there.

In a nutshell, the weekend went something like this.

Friday: Wendy’s fast food is first. I went with the single hamburger with cheese and side Caesar salad and diet Coke. Not too, too bad. Cheese not wise, but only used about ¼ of the Caesar dressing on side salad which was good.

Next up: Nicola’s Pizza in Rehoboth Beach. Menu states that all ingredients are fresh with fat-free dough. Ok, looks promising. We got a large, plain for everyone. I added a side salad with dressing on the side and an unsweetened iced tea. The men also got a stromboli and French fries (which menu states are cooked in cholesterol-free oil). Ok, not entirely horrible except I ate a second slice of pizza when I KNEW that I was already full. Not wise.

And, finally, I had a Kohr Brothers chocolate soft-serve (small dish) to top off the day (this could’ve been way-worse if I had added the chocolate jimmies which I really, really wanted).

Saturday: Our hotel gave us $5.00/per person coupons for breakfast. Ok, good deal. We head down to the hotel café. I decided on the Don’s Casserole since it was listed under the “healthy options” section of the menu. I don’t know who Don is, but I’d love to see what he looks like. Don’s Casserole consisted of a “bed” of potatoes, bacon, sausage, ham and cheddar cheese topped with scrambled eggs and 2 slices of toast. Oh yeah, and it came with a small fruit cup. I guess that’s were the “healthy option” came into play. So, I ate ½ of the eggs, 1 slice of cheese-covered bacon and 3 small hunks of the sausage. I gave the rest to Chris (my DH) and ate my fruit cup. Even the waiter said it was way too much food for one person. Go figure.

Anyway, breakfast laid like a rock in my stomach all day until about 4:00 when I started to feel some grumbling happening. While my 3 friends chowed down on funnel cakes, I opted for some fat-free pretzel nuggets (it was the best I could get at the corner store). And, I have to say, I felt damn proud of myself for not even having one bite of the funnel cake.

Several hours after the funnel cake extravaganza & long naps (except for me), everyone decides that they should eat dinner (I’m basically starved at this point). Dos Locos for Mexican, they say. Ok, I say. I should’ve said no. I started off with a Yuengling Lager (beer) on draft and my share of tortilla chips and salsa. I ordered the sirloin fajitas which consisted of a sliced 7oz sirloin with green peppers and onions with a side of diced tomatoes, shredded cheddar cheese, refried beans, Mexican rice and sour cream all to be combined in 3 flour tortilla wraps. I should have had one. I ate two. However I did skip the rice and beans, but just had to have the cheese and sour cream. I did wash it all down with water though instead of a second beer.

For the finale: one Smirnoff Black Cherry vodka cooler. I felt like a slug.

Sunday: We again had breakfast in the hotel café. I picked pancakes and bacon this time. I was deceived again. I picked the pancakes because I had seen them on other diners' plates the previous day. There were 3-3” round pancakes on the plates. Well, I get my plate and each pancake is about a 9” round. There were three of them. I wanted to die. Apparently, what I saw the previous day was the kid's plate. So I ate one pancake and the bacon. I stopped when I started to feel full. Good idea, huh?

So, we all head down to the beach because it’s a beautiful 80-degree day with a light breeze. After we’re down there for a few hours, someone suggests lunch. The three amigos want pizza again. Oh lordy. Since I don’t want to draw attention to myself and don’t want to make the others uncomfortable, I say “Sure!” I had 2 small slices of plain pizza, about 6 fries (which were horrible), diet Coke and then a 32-oz bottle of water. Later, back at the hotel, I had a few of the pretzel nuggets and another cooler.

Around 7:00, we head down to the Ram’s Head Tavern for dinner. I scoured the menu and decided on the crab melt which was basically a broiled crab cake on an English muffin topped with tomato and cheese. I also got a garden salad with dressing on the side. However, I neglected to notice that the melt came with fries, so there they were gleaming on the plate. I ate the crab cake with tomato & cheese minus the English muffin and the salad. I had a few of the fries. Ok I had more than a few, but I didn’t finish the whole pile. I rounded out the meal again with unsweetened iced tea.

We all then headed back down to the beach for fireworks. They would have been nice except for the dope-head, drunken loser family that decided to plop down right in front of us. Now I know that fireworks are in the sky, but these people would NOT sit down and shut up and everyone is compacted on the beach under blankets because the wind coming off of the water was moist and freezing. So, Loser Dad comes back with a pizza for everyone (I know, beach towns eat a lot of pizza!), plops the pie down on the blanket, starts yelling at the kids for getting sand (duh!) all over the blanket, throws (yes throws) his cigarette butt right at the 4 of us and almost gets into a fist fight with my friend’s husband since Loser Dad threw his cigarette right next to my friend’s blanket almost igniting it in the process. God Bless America.

Since it was our last night, we all wanted ice cream. Yes, after the spectacle I witnessed earlier, even I wanted ice cream. I opted for a small tiny cup (one normal-sized scoop) of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream. I was in heaven. Overall, it was the best, not-so-great food item I had all weekend. Oh wait, except for the Smirnoff coolers!

Another July 4th holiday is over and I am back to work tomorrow and back on NS full-time. I’d like to say that I enjoyed my non-NS food experience this past weekend, but I’d be lying.

Lessons learned:
1. Americans are unhealthy and fat.
2. Restaurant owners do not know what a “healthy option” really is.
3. Restaurant owners do not know what a reasonable portion size is.
4. Choosing to be healthy is hard.
5. Succumbing to the food desires of others is easy.
6. Putting myself first is not easy for me.
7. Food indulgences will happen and I should not feel guilty about them.
8. I want to be healthy – AND happy!
9. I want to be able to indulge on vacation and not feel bad about it.
10. Even “skinny” people gain weight on vacation.

I have not weighed myself yet. I checked my weight before I left on Friday morning. I stayed at the same weight that I posted on 06/25/05 (220 lbs). I haven’t decided if I really want to know how much I gained. I think I do.

I have to be accountable for my choices.

Happy Birthday USA!


07/05/05 UPDATE: I weighed myself this morning and only gained 1/2 lb this weekend! I'm totally impressed with myself, but I have to make sure that this doesn't give me license to eat like this all the time. ~Sue