So, the AVP of my department stopped me on Thursday afternoon as we were crossing paths at the elevators. She said that she wanted to talk to me in a tone that said "we need to talk". Uh oh. I figure I'll just fail to follow-up and she'll forget that she stopped me. No such luck. I got back to my desk and there was a voice mail. She said that if I got the voice message, she wanted to meet at 3:00. I looked at the clock and it read 3:05, but I figured I should at least make an effort and headed over to her office. Blam - there she was - coming my way. No escape. "There you are", she said. "Let's take a walk. I'll buy you a cup of coffee." We headed on up to the company cafeteria. We settled in, and she started by stating that the only time that we talk is when I am stressed and she is too busy to talk about it. So, she wanted to talk about it all.

Why don't I like the fill-in project manager? Why am I so stressed? What's going on? Where do I start, I thought, without upsetting the entire apple cart. I figured what the hell, she asked - I might as well tell her everything that was on my mind. So, I did. Everything. Nothing left out. I don't hate the PM, I just don't agree with her style. I don't hate my co-worker, Joe, I just don't like that he doesn't pull his weight. He hides in the testing lab and doesn't forward his phone, so I am left to cover all of the production issues/problems as well as try to fit in my part of the software testing AND complete my other daily duties. She totally agrees with me. No shocker there. She always did. But what is she going to do about it? She said that she is giving me a promotion. She said that it is ridiculous that I "report" to Joe (he is one pay grade higher than me) when he is not a mentor-figure, I know more than he does, and I do 75 - 85% of the automation support duties for the department. She said that she knows what Joe does and doesn't do, she has formed her own opinion of him, but ethically she can't share her thoughts. I totally agree with her, and respect her for it. She told me that I have to stop saying that I'm leaving, or that I have one foot out the door because she doesn't want me to leave. I told her that the pressure is getting to me. And, while the promotion is nice, it is not really about the money anymore. I told her flat out that I put up with the crap because I needed my salary. But, in recent weeks, I have gone over my home budget and finances and I am at a point now where I no longer need to have my full salary. I am in a position where I can leave and take a job with less pay. She said that she understood, but she still wants me to stay at least until she retires next year. I told her that I will keep that in mind, but after 18+ years of putting up with the bullshit just because I took the time to learn about the operation and made myself a key player in the department, only to be kept at the same level for over 7 years, is also something that needs to be taken into account. I have reached a point where I need to re-evaluate and move forward. I can no longer be stagnant. I am done with automation support and need to learn new things, and I just do not see that opportunity happening in my current position - and as long as Joe is beside me. I am not carrying him for three more years until he retires. Do something about it. Period, end of story. She thanked me for being so candid, and said she will do the best she can to make improvements.

What is the point of the story? I guess there really isn't any point now. Two years ago or perhaps even three years ago, I would have been ecstatic about a promotion. I needed it then. Now, not so much. While it is great to finally get the recognition that I feel I deserve, I also feel like I am getting it as a bribe to stay and carry Joe until he retires in three years. Not happening. I feel like senior management is finally feeling the shift in the department, and are noticing that key people are leaving. Quite a few have already gone, and the few of us that remain are getting very vocal and itchy for change. Hopefully, they will listen before they are starting at square one all over again.

Moving forward. That is what I am doing. My retail business idea is coming together. I've done alot of the research that is needed, now I need to focus on the financials. Not an easy task, but definitely do-able. I met with a SCORE counselor, and he told me that I should definitely move forward (his exact words) with my idea. From what he can tell, I have a market for it and that is the biggest hurdle to overcome after finding seed money. After 5 years of talking about it, things are finally falling into place. It finally feels like it is a "good time".

Last night, I came home from work to this............and get to look at it and be embarrassed for 3 days! Yes, it is that time of year again - my birthday. Actually, Sunday is the "big day". I don't really like to make a big deal out of my birthday esp this year, but for some reason, others can't seem to let it go that I am turning 40 this year. To me, it's just another day on the calendar.

Thanks, Mom Taylor.........love ya!