This blog & the life it represented is now closed.

If you'd like to see what I'm up to now, visit my new blog - Party of One

This blog is getting an overhaul. Actually, it is getting a new name, new look & new attitude. Will post the new link when it is ready.........should be very, very soon.

It is almost 3 months since I last posted on this blog. So much as changed in the past 3 months, that I no longer feel that this blog is an accurate reflection of me - now.

Stay tuned...........

Today, my husband told me that he wants a divorce. No discussion. No trying to work on it. Nothing. His mind is made up and there is no changing it. I'm not going to beg.

I want to give our relationship a chance. I want to be a different person. Not because he wants me to be different, but because I want to be different. I know that things have been hard in recent years, but my thoughts were how to approach him about meeting with a marriage counselor. We are the worst communicators..................ever.

He decided after 2-3 therapy sessions that he KNOWS that I will not change and is unwilling to even try to work through our differences.

I wish that I could see the future as clearly as he does.

I made it to the gym for two 30-minute treadmill workouts this past week. These were in addition to my regular 60-minute personal training workout which, incidentally, has been my only source of exercise for the past 6 months.

Is this progress? I hope so.

Chris and I had an intense "discussion" this past week. He made some valid points about me and how I live my life. One of particular note that really stuck with me is the fact that I have never followed through on anything that I have said that I was going to do - lose weight, start a business, write. Hell, I have never even finished one cross-stitch project that was just for me and that is supposed to be a hobby that I enjoy!

I make excuses. I say that I am a product of my environment meaning that I am who I am because of the household in which I was raised. It is just so much easier to blame others (parents, friends, family, Chris) instead of looking inside myself.

I went to see a comedy show with some friends, Kim and Barb, on Saturday night. We went to the Keswick Theater. The Keswick is one of those old-time art houses that have been around since the times when people, in general, were smaller - height as well as girth. I made a comment about how I was having some trouble fitting in the seat. The width was a bit snug, but not unbearable, however, the leg room was, for lack of a better word, painful. Sitting for 3 hours with my legs at a 90-degree angle with no other option is just not my idea of fun, but I digress. Kim asked me if I was still "doing that" meaning going to the gym. I told her that I was working on getting back into it because I realized that I am just plain tired of complaining about my weight and that I am the only one that can do it - nobody can do it for me.

Then, I smiled inside. Progress?

Yeah, I think so.