Virgo
Sometimes you just have to go on faith. You're at a crossroads right now -- and time is running out. You need to decide soon which way you're going, and you won't have the luxury of knowing all the information you want to know about your options. The good news is that you're in a very solid lucky phase, and your instincts can fill in the blanks and help you take a calculated risk. So even if you're not completely sure, go in the direction that just feels the most comfortable now.

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This was my horoscope today on www.iwon.com.  I found it to be very on target for this blog.  In fact, I couldn't have put my thoughts and feelings into better words myself.  It is scary to me how at times my horoscope is so much on target with whatever I may be analyzing in my mind.

 

This past week was a bitch at work.  I wasn't home before 6:30pm every day with the topper being 10pm on Wednesday.  My partner was in Chicago all week so I was covering as automation support (hardware problems, software problems) as well as my fair share of regular work-load.  Two people is not enough and one person is definitely not enough.  However, most of the time I'm better off by myself.  I could go into detail, but I don't want to ruin my Saturday night by thinking or writing about him.  My job is my #1 decision that I need to make THIS YEAR.  I have been toying with the idea of opening my own specialty retail store.  I am so ready, but yet I am not ready.  I want it so bad that I can taste it, but yet I am too terrified to take the appropriate steps to get myself moving.

 

Paralysis by analysis.  I saw this phrase in a magazine or book once and it is so true.  I have analyzed to the point that I am paralyzed.  While it is good to think things through, there is such a thing as over-thinking.  I have definitely over-thought this.  I am so miserable at my present job that I could just spit.  While I should be happy that I have a decent job in these times and I am appreciative of what I have at this job, the personal satisfaction is just not there anymore.  Add on the extra expectations with no compensation and it all just does not seem worth the effort anymore.  And, the 3-hour daily commute doesn't help matters either.

 

I must make this decision and make it work.  Everyone in my life says that I can do it.  I just wish I had better confidence in myself.  I need to stop doubting myself.  Life isn't going to happen to me all by itself.  I need to make it happen to me.  I truly believe that if I get this aspect of my life moving in the right direction, the rest will fall into place -- weight issues, relationship issues, family issues (as in starting one of my own).

 

I was mulling over a particular word this week in my head and then decided to look it up in the dictionary.  Yes, I have a paperback version on my desk at home as well on my desk at work.  It is a word that popped in my head while I was ridiculously sitting around work on Wednesday night waiting for other people to finish their work so I could go home.

 

I just don't have it.  I don't have it for anything - work, home, myself.  I don't even have a passion for food anymore.  I told Chris more than once this week that I have no interest in food anymore.  I don't feel like figuring out what I should or shouldn't be eating - so I just don't want to eat.  It takes too much thought process.  Although, mindless eating still occurred -- candy, soft pretzels, hamburgers, fries.  Exercise has definitely not been on my agenda for almost 2 months - since the week before I went to Key West.

 

My cousin emailed me this week to thank me for sending her and her husband a housewarming gift.  She is about 8 years younger than me and we've never really been very close, but we're not strangers either.  We see each other a couple of times a year at family affairs.  Anyway, in the email she writes that she really would like to get together for lunch since it turns out that we work not that far from each other in Philly.  Now, my cousin is definitely someone with passion.  Boundless enthusiasm.  She has her master's degree in world health, works for a non-profit health-related organization and she spent two years in some remote country between Russia and China for the Peace Corps teaching poor kids and living in a frozen hut.  She's not even 30 years old yet and married her high school sweetheart who waited for her to finish all that she "needed" to do & even visited her on the frozen tundra.  (Their wedding was the most romantic and heart-felt ceremony that I have ever been to.)  So, basically, I have NOTHING other than BLOOD in common with this woman.  My only passion was for drinking my way through my 20's until I met Chris at age 28 and got married at age 30.  Do I seriously need to be reminded of this? 

 

Hence, my life being at a crossroad.

 

Which way do I go??