I don’t accept compliments very well. As a matter of fact, I was never very good at accepting a compliment. I usually feel that the issuer of the compliment is “just trying to make me feel better” and doesn’t really mean it. I guess I have to work on that.

My husband is out of town this weekend. He and my dad went to some kind of Ford Thunderbird car show in Carlisle, PA. He asked me to go, but quite frankly, I’d rather put hot needles in my eyes than go to a car show. But that’s a whole other story………

Anyway, when he called to say hi, I asked how he and Dad were getting along and was Dad “probing” him with questions about me. (My Dad is constantly thinking that I’m keeping things from him). They were getting along great and yes, Dad mentioned that he was concerned about my health, specifically my weight. Chris told him that I was concerned also and was in the process of “doing something about it” and doing pretty well at it, too.

Next day, I relay this conversation to my friend and co-worker and she promptly says to me “You look great! You’re practically anorexic!” Enter doubts about her sincerity. I mean come on, anorexic??? Me??? I tell her “thanks for the compliment” but “she’s way wrong since I am still way over 200 lbs.” She thinks I’m lying. Go figure.

So, later, I’m thinking about how I “handled” the compliment thing and decide that I still need to work on it a bit more. Somehow, I always manage to make the person feel like crap and wonder why they even said anything in the first place. It doesn’t matter what the compliment is. Usually it’s about my hair (which, incidentally, my mom never likes). But, sometimes it’s about my ability to do something, or about how I always seem to find the perfect gift for somebody. And, while I feel great about it later, I feel so uncomfortable about it when it happens that I blurt out something really stupid and negative almost like a deflection or block.

Maybe I don’t believe that I deserve to be complimented.

Why is that?